she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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