Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I need to sanitize my soul.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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