Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
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I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
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Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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