Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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