I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So squirting runs in the family.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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