I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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