someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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