Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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