Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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