You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize