we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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