nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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