If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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