I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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