If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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