problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
my poor anus
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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