Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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