My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize