what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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