and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
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she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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