one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
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