I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My life is pants optional.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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