if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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