What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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