when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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