So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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