that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
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