First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize