I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
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I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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