Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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