woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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