"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize