Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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