Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize