I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
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Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
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Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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