just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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