How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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