your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A bitchslap is in order.
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