sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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