yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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