Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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