I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
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We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
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Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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