what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize