Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
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You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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