Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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