I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize