Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
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Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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