Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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