You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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