If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
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oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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